she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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