I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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