Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
