Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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