New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
