And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you didnt know i had herpes?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
