i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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