I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
