Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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