are you still at the devil's house?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
