He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
