i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
