Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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