I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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