ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
