just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
