That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
