I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
