mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
