why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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