mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
