I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i dont even know how to be here
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
