I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
