I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
