My liver just broke up with me...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
