No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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