mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
