He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
