All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
