i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
