Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
