So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
there is puke in my bra ... again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
