She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
