Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
