I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
