At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
