U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
