You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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