it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
