New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
