a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
