Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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