i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
