haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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