Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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