That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
