It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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