if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
