my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
