Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
